Another week has flown by without any local flooding, snow storms or any storms to
speak of, which is some feat as we're are still only in June. I have decided to make a
special effort not to ramble as I possibly have done in previous Catch-Ups. Of course I
only mean in the three written Catch-Ups on here - I don't ramble every time I bump in
to an old friend for inst ... although come to think of it ......... ............. ........... ........
What? um?? .. oh right..
Sunday was one of those days, now too frequent for me to comfortably joke about,
having spent the whole day feeling more fatigued than I had on the many occassions
when I'd woken during the night. I got nothing constructive done and even forgot to
make the copious calls to the hospital usually necessary in order to get a response until
the afternoon. I could have slept would it not have been necessary for meds to have
been taken in order to do so. (Irony can be lost on me these days). The rest of the day
was spent in my dressing gown with just enough energy to use the remote controls and
to hobble to and from the fridge with a sprinkling of self-loathing, companion to the
warm feelings growing on the back of my lethargy.
Another day, another set of calls to make. In short, my Mother was due out of hospital in
the morning and eventually arrived in the evening. Inbetween the phone calls that I made,
I unfortunately also received a larger number than usual of the silent-untracable-incoming
kind that started after the internet shinanigans (C-U 09-06-12)... which curbed my enthusiam a
bit. But, I almost got some New writing done, so at least I was motivated in the right
direction still. At least I did some more research, downloading and printing and so on.
No prize, but at least I could tick off one thing that I had been putting off for too long.
....Then, my mind began to drift to all the silly - childish - ways I could desensitise the
pain-in-the-butt caller/s. Then I thought again. I was bound to do, whatever nasty thing
I decided upon, to a friend or family member who didn't start speaking quickly enough. I
gave up on that Idea quite quickly, but was left cheered by the mental images I'd just viewed.
This was the day to get organised. The status quo had been restored - time to restructure my days
around writing. Making the decision and knowing that there were no external obstacles put me on a high.
I couldn't wait to let the creative juices run free again. Planning the mornings work, I put the coffee on.
I carried that plus a stack of paperwork - part photocopied scientific background info from the internet
that seemed relevant, part original scribbled ideas - into the sitting room. Relative care had to be taken as
I am prone to drop, spill, knock over any or all things movable. It took a while and could only have
been achieved in a solitary state due to my reluctance to give offence. Ok my pride would have been
hurt - deeply wounded then, had I been observed. I remained sprawled on my belly, papers strewn (but
not randomly) around me, until shortly before my son arrived. I was working. Sometimes that is how I
can look at the bigger picture. Laugh if will, but it works for me. A while later we visited my Mother
at her Home.
I decided even before I got out of bed that I needed to get ahead of myself in order to catch up and,
even whilst thinking I knew how I should preceed. In order to stop myself from using it as an excuse
later, I would make a start on this weeks Catch-Up. Formatting the menu for this always takes me
ages without writing and rewriting the content (the latter I mostly do after releasing for public scrutiny
as by then I tend to run out time), so that is what I did. I dived in. It took some jiggling about but I'm
more used to the program now, with all it's quirky little ways. But this time, when I shifted past
Catch-Ups left to make way for incoming page... they weren't allowed back. I two-finger typed for
Help, but to no avail. It seems I had deleted unknowingly and nothing could be done - and nothing
would change the minds of the unseen master of my little site's destiny.
Amazingly after my fears and rantings of late, I was finally delighted to find that I could still locate
and copy the page contents' from the internet - where nothing ever goes away - back onto the building
side of the website., where it belonged. To sum up the experience: Very scary. Very time consuming.
And absolutely surreal . I Spent the next couple of hours trying to tidy the menu - didn't want the
day to be a total shipwreck.
I woke up very early , around 04.30hrs, still feeling annoyed with myself after yesterday. Not sure at
what specifically, but generally for messing up and wasting time, again. Wasting time intentionally
is reprehensible, of course, but due to stupid errors is just maddening. On that thought - got up.
Put dressing gown on. Coffee on. Re-rewrite (latest) On Reflection scene. Plan out new scenes.
Draft characters dialogue. Actually I felt relaxed - as if I had actually achieved something and every
thing was okay. Hardly even cared how irrationally tired I felt, which was rare. On Thursday, Earth felt
a good place to live.
Still on a bit of a high after yesterday so rushed through the morning must-does and straight onto the
On Reflection File. How fickle feelings can be, especially good ones. It wasn't just that the new
ideas were trite, but that I had made such a fool of myself ..to myself. Well at least it reminded me why
'I am so secretive' (apparently) about all this. How much worse it would have been if I had bragged
about it and humiliated myself in front of someone else. There again, at least the re-rewrite looked
okay. That will save time eventually. Having found one redeeming aspect I went into the garden to look
at Nature's creations and not tempt fate any more for a while with my own.
Today speaks for itself as I am now writing this in real time - except for when I am check it for obvious
mistakes or formatting problems once 'published' of course. It really is best I don't write anything more
down about today anyway (especially with the pesky formatting), as I'd likely upset a lot of people in
ways that I really wouldn't want to. Misbehaving computers and websites cause me to use terrible
language. I once asked my Neurologist if Tourettes could sometimes be a symptom of M.S. but he
looked at me strangely for longer than usual then said he didn't think so.
Thank you for dropping by. (For previous weeks click on one of the links below).
Michele Burnett x