As always, I will be 'refining' this as the days go by - just think how boring it would be if you couldn't play spot the mistakes?
As on previous Sundays, I awoke with every intention of jumping out of bed and straight into editing
the previous days nonsense. Fortunately before moving I recalled not only was it physically impossible
for me to jump out of bed (or in, out or over anything else without falling flat on my face) but that it
was far too early to face the fact that after hours of sweating blood from my two typing fingers, (actually,
it was my loyal Dragon 11 whose blood had been shed on my behalf, as I am unskilled as his mistress
- always prolonging his painstakingly repetitious activities due to incoherent mumblings and constant
changing of my fickle mind, but intended to say nothing for fear of being reported to the R.S.P.C.D.).
So, as is becoming a tradition in this solitary household, the day started with delusion, followed
by self-pity, followed by self- loathing ... followed by (my favourites) lethargy and gluttony.
I need to find way to bypass the self loathing but still get arrive at the same destination. If I work on
it long enough, maybe I could manage Waking up - then straight on to - lethargy and gluttony.
The problem then would be, I'd either have to sleep down stairs to wake up near the fridge a biggest
TV etc. .. but I don't have a downstairs loo .. or, forfeit one of the joys of lethargy and accept that for
a more holistic sense gratification I might have to accept the use of stairs. No rush. I can consider
the matter at my leisure.
This was a day set aside for gardening. My son had offered to loan me his muscles for the day which,
when combined with my experience, would revive and renew the rather scruffy little space into my
tiny kingdom. No. Before I go on I feel duty bound to address the matter of Brain V Brawn as previously implied. The truth is, although I suppose strictly speaking I do have experience working on this and previous gardens it is mostly been done by instinct (as I like to think) without any real
brain-strain involved, whereas my son's biceps are quite considerable.
The call came at 9.30 – “How are you feeling and what time do you want me over?".. a quick look out
the window and the sun was shining. How could it?It rains EVERY DAY. "I'm fine. Whenever you like.",
"Should I pick anything up on the way?" .. Good, we won't be starting until after lunch. "Not unless you
need to, I'll order something in." One of the many things I love about his visits is that I get to have
take-aways delivered - something I cannot conceive doing for myself alone. Having said that ...
"I'll be with you within the hour then .. noooo.."What about the gym?", "I'll go later if there's time - if
not.., today is about doing your garden. " My pulse slows as I start to see the light. "I know, and
that's lovely but I don't want you to have to sacrifice everything for it. Why not go to the gym
first while you’re still clean, then come here after.." And we (mainly he) spent the rest of the day quite productively planting, unplanting, moving and replanting, mass feeding and the chip barked
en masseand even my golden Buddha smiled.
For five possibly expensive, definitely wasteful days the floaty ball in the cistern attached to my
toilet was not sticking to the rules of it's contract, but instead continuously allowed a significant
but unmeasured overspill of water into the aforementioned receptacle. On day three I located
and called the office of the team responsible for overseeing all 'floaty ball in the cistern' repairs'
and was given an appointment for this morning, 'anytime between 0800-13.00hrs'. Ugh. My body
is at it's most sluggish after I first get up, which meant that I had to arise at 06.00hrs in order to
avoid scaring an early caller to death. And so Tuesday morning arrived too soon, rather too early,
and I showered, washed hair, applied a little make-up... If you have seen me, you will already
know that nothing I do can ever atone for the harsh treatment Time and Nature's hands have
applied to me, but still on occasions I make a bit of an effort. Especially if I have other, more
pressing things to do.
As 13.00hrs came and went I could feel the virtuous indignation growing within me. By the time
my bell rang - not once, but several times in quick succession, with almost simultaneous rapping
on the brass knocker as if to reprimand me for not being able to leap off the stool and sprint
the 2metres as once I might have. By the time I opened the door and saw the two young,
smiling plumbers on my step, all was forgiven. It was to do with them being somewhere around
my son's age, I'm sure , although I can't actually recall feeling maternal towards them, but ..
Oh, the floaty ball is now working perfectly.
Last week I may have mentioned something regarding my partiality for travelling by train?
You didn't read last week's. Of course you didn't - why should you have? .. I know you didn’t ask me to
write this c**p, in fact I'm only too grateful to you and everyone else in the world bar maybe one or
two who want to know what the old hag is whining about now, for giving mereason to stop .. just as
soon as I can findanother inconsequential project to consume my Saturdays and odd hours of the rest
of the week.. All it is, is that for the last 2-3 years now I have had a wobbly-person's railcard and
so been able to travel quite relatively comfortably on day trips that have invariably been
Well, last week I booked tickets for the first outing of the year, to Brighton. Actually that could
have been what i spoke about last week, but no more of that. I had intended to book the 16th July
Mon (being generally optimistic by nature I felt sure then, that by now the weather would have
changed), but when booking online it seemed that the cheapest tickets for that day were also
'open-ended', (could be used any time within the month). Wonderful until they arrived on
Wednesday - just one set of tickets, not the two I was expecting and although the OUT ticket was
an open one, the RETURN was not. Back on line I ordered a duplicate set, this time ticking the box
for express delivery. Okay. Everything was okay ...just as I thought it was last week. And how
express is express anyway? .. And the railcard. I renewed my railcard last week but that hadn't
arrived. My old one ran out on the 10th .. Okay - keep calm, things always works out...no they don't!
I was due to visit mother mid-day. Unable to drive myself, I rely on taxis and kindly folk to transport
me distances greater than ... the fairly short ones, that I can manage on my own two feet.
Prior to this Thursday the same car that was due to arrive at my house within the hour had been
held back by it's owner, a friend of mine, three times over the last month or so - each time due to
her vehicle succumbing to an auto-mobile-specific illness just before her setting off in my direction.
Coincidence you may think, but no. Lately I've had to look long and hard and the probability that
just as some people with little understanding of my somewhat divergent, though basically harmless
way of thinking might find me slightly - even immensely - irritating, I now have sufficiently convinced
to announce to you, and to the other 10-11 people that I expect to read this (once word is out),
that although data will not be available for reasons of National Security, or something, I
also possess a power to effect the working ability of anything mechanical ... and not just their
working ability, also their moods. I'm sorry I can't answer any questions at this time. If your
microphone is getting hot you should take it away - go. (Only joking. I do talk to myself,
sometimes in different voices, but imagining I'm with people with mikes? I'm not mad.
I visited my mother by taxi in the end.
A.) Due to go to Friends house for dinner. Looked forward to that. B.) Someone close to me with chronic
MH problems who is currently doing well against the odds and through sheer determination, but needs
more time and help to adjust, received a letter as a result of the good Gov's Assessment, stating that
in just over 2wks all their benefits will stop, that they are deemed unsuitable for a 'back to work' course
or job seekers allowance and that they must get in touch with the gas company which was being
paid directly via I.S. (which in turn was deducted from their payments at the same rate, after difficulties
in paying previous bill) to make alternative arrangements ASAP. I was furious when I heard - it was
so unkind and unnecessary. If they wanted to refill the coffers and presumably look at least vaguely
humane, since they make a big point of NOT doing this sort of thing, I am sure there are other targets,
maybe not quite so easy but no doubt swallowing up far more cash and potentially much less
embarrassing to their cause. Stop it. Just stay on the side-lines. Offer assistance if needed, but don't be
pushy. Deep Breath, walk away. Make a couple of suggestions, point in the right direction. SCREAM!!!
Think about this evening. What to wear to a casual evening with friend and friends new partner and
other friend, all of whom are around 15 years your junior ... and can stand up straight without wobbling.
Depressingly, I tried on half the wardrobe before finding a suitably gargantuan garment or two to choose from.
Got ready, went down stairs and onto Twitter. With my conscience getting the better of me, I crawled into the
back of my website and completed this week's 'Monday' before it was time to go. The evening was lovely.
As for earlier - when I started this I did say that I would try hard to avoid being political, angry, offensive, etc.
I hope that I haven't offended anyone, the rest was still too near the surface to keep from spilling over, I'm
afraid. I'll do better next time.
So far, pretty much all oftoday has been spent writing. Not real writing, of course, just this. How could this take me all day? - You may well ask.
I'd better get on if I'm to finish before Sunday. Don't go too far, I'll be calling you shortly.
I'M READY! Thank you for your perseverance and I hope to see you next week (links to previous week below). Michele Burnett x