EDITING WILL ONLY TAKE PLACE ONCE
READERS HAVE FINISHED POINING OUT ALL
THE DELIBERATE MISTAKES
I woke up early Sunday morning with that all-encompassing smugness
known only to holiday-makers, parents of children who for some
(safe) reason are not sleeping under the same roof and hedonists able
to imagine themselves alone and undisturbed for a whole
blissful morning, lazing in bed ... or at least until nature calls threatening
cruelly to break the spell. I, of course fall into the last category,
although my hedonism has to be on a part-time basis to
accommodate my congenital guilt complex and other neuroses.
I hung on to the feeling for as long as I was able, revelling in the
images I conjured of friends and neighbours living their busy
schedule-led lives .. before feeling mean and desperate for the
loo, which inevitably ended the mornings reverie. As punishment I
forced myself back into the previous evenings website where I stood
in the wings for a good 20 minutes just looking at how childish
my writing now seemed, and made a note to myself suggesting
that think about taking a more serious approach to life in the future.
Got up early on Monday as my son had stayed over the night before - we
were off to Brighton for the day. Although there had been problems with
the tickets – and the renewal of my wobbly railcard, all was by then in
order and there were even blue bits up above. When I was a child I was
told “if there is enough blue in the sky to make a sailor a pair of trousers
it will be a nice day”. Well nobody told me the size of the sailor so
I remained optimistic ... right up until we arrived. It is very likely that during
my numerous years on Earth I must have encountered equal if not worse
winds and rain, but Monday’s weather fought me not only for my
stick but also my legs. On many occasions the inclement conditions nearly
beat me, and certainly would have had it not been for my cheating -
in linking with One Other more grounded than myself.
That was the weather and this is England where we tend to have lots of it.
It was also Brighton, one of my favourite places where people smile back
and creativity flows. Nothing could dampen that. I just love the place and
hope to go back again soon - ideally the sailor will be fully grown.
Tuesday definitely proved to be the morning after the day before. Not
that I was still wet (in the soggy rather than the ignorant sense, I will
have to leave any decision regarding the latter up to you, although ..,
never mind...). My body even before I got up felt twice the weight it
normally does – even in these days of hyper-podginess. I did get up
though, knowing that I could spend the day draped over the furniture and
still be free of all guilt. I had earned this exhaustion and I wasn’t going to
waste it uncomfortably awake in bed all day when I could be wallowing in
front of DVDs justifiably ignoring calls from my conscience and, of course,
eating anything I could find in the fridge.
And so the day ended much as it began: cosily, wearily uneventfully.
Wednesday broke with an impish air and every intention of playing games
with my mind. Tuesday, as you now know, had brought with it a holiday
from guilt and self recrimination (Tuesday’s reactions to Monday’s
actions), but all that changed with the new day – all except for the
fatigue. If anything that had got worse. How or why I couldn’t fathom but
after studying my state of being as objectively as one can from within
one’s own skin and without a ‘normal’ benchmark, I decided after the first
hour of rising that I wasn’t putting it on. Still, I was unable to allow
myself any further concessions as I had already taken them, so I took the
easiest options: tidied up last week’s Catch-Up a bit, put some washing
on, caught up on Twitter (with lots of sitting down in between). Not very
important things, but things that I could tell myself were at least useful-
ish. By the end of the day I felt physically lousy but maybe not as
screwed-up in the head dept as Wednesday would have liked to have left
As I may already have mentioned, I tend rarely to go out these days –
generally once a week, by taxi or by friend (which sounds as if I get a
piggyback rather than a lift, or is that just in my mind?). This week I went
out twice: Monday to Brighton, Thursday to visit my Mother. Now, I have
a problem when I am due to go out and the appointment isn’t in the morning.
Actually, I have a problem when I have with morning appointments too,
but I am sure we will speak of those another time. The problem with later
app.’s is that I am never sure when the best time to start getting ready is.
I really want to use the time wisely and as efficiently as possible without being
late or looking a worse mess than necessary. If only I had devised a formula
to divide the preparation time I needed by the time I had before I needed
to leave ... but of course I haven’t, hadn’t – and probably never will - so as
always, on Thursday I spent the first hour deciding whether or not to shower
before getting dressed or ... just get on with my ‘proper writing’ and
stop being so stupid. I tend to listen to my matronly voice. I wonder why
it doesn’t come out more often...
I paid my visit then stumbled to the local shops to buy things I didn't really want,
to see if the stubburn determined me could still win over the cowarldy one. As
we took on the short length of sleepy streets, quite unaccompanied but
for eachother I felt conscious of how I must have looked to those seeing me that
day (although nobody was there) and I hated the image. Still, the stubburn me
won the contest .. and a choc-ice was the prize.
Keyboard/case arrived for my new-to-me made in Hong Kong
Android/Tablet thingy. Wonderful. ‘My Android’ fits it perfectly and looks
so hot wearing it. I plugged in the umbilical cord... and nothing. Of course
– I needed to recharge it. Slight disappointment that the seller still hadn’t
sorted out a manual, but still that doesn’t detract from its impressive
appearance. I keep it open all day next to the monitor attached to the pc
that I do know how to work, so that even if I couldn’t make full use of all
the Androidy functions – or in fact any of them – I could still look on in awe.
I am looking for something different to say today rather than the usual
abrupt – even rude... ish? – Saturday comments about me writing this.
Apart from the fact that I feel calmer today, possibly because I am not
squeezed into the back of my website, but have brought my tools out
onto word and will try to transport the text back inside when they are
finished. It had got so cramped in there as somehow, possibly due to
something I did although I have no idea what, everything shrank to a size
that was almost impossible to read, at least on my main computer, (the
screen of the laptop is ok but so much harder to get into). Anyway, with
luck, this will work.
Anything else? .... Yes, it hasn’t rained at all today!
Thank you for joining me and I hope you have a good week.
(For previous wks Catch-Ups click on links below)