"Unlikely as it might sound to a more organised person, over the last few days I've apparently managed to 'drop' my brain somewhere in the vicinity between the frontstep and my front door. It must have occured either on Thursday evening as I opened it to a neighbour, or on Friday morning when I cast out the previous evenings pinged and plasticised macaroni cheese, having lost the craving once my self-imposed isolation was restored on her exit. Neither of these events required the use of original thoughts, nor did any of the mundane tasks in which I tediously partook within the 24-36hr period that this shambles covers, so I continued blissfully (I know, too strong a word..) unaware that I was running only on the back-up generator... as it were. Had I known that I was missing such an important tool, I'm sure I would have been quite concerned..."
With the deadline fast approaching I found myself standing at the brink of chaos; one half of my body stepped inside my son’s old bedroom the other on the landing, all my effort taken in resisting the urge to be drawn in by that blue ottoman. The same ottoman that’s held safe and secure the words I’ve had shut away for nearly 30years, veiled from my viewing and almost from my mind. Five minutes before, I had intended to open it, shake things up... before my body froze. My brain had returned, and taunted me with “left or right?” as I tried to pull my now numb leg out of the room. My inability to put a name to basic directions, a plight that has worsened with age, with the ms or both, has long been a joke - to others, that I perpetuate. though I see it as all connected to my appalling bump of direction.
"As it was the B.E.R.C. kicked in automatically, leaving me none the wiser and it - my brain - alone, forgotten.. snowed under. Realisation came early afternoon, maybe midday on Friday, but naturally it was frozen by then and unfortunately did it remain that way, rather solidly ever since. Regardless of all the de-frosting or un-blocking cures and fixes I’ve tried - humming to it, luring it back with promises of a routine that this time I will stick to... it remained petrified... Hang on; I’ve just had a flash... an impulse, I don't know the technical term – a notification that ther is somebody wanting to know what B.E.R.C. stands for. I can’t tell who asked, but in answer it stands for: Biological & Emotional Response Centre, and it’s a cluster of specialised cells that are located just below the base of the brain stem. They hold information related to all our essential and most commonly practiced functions - i.e. it is our 'human emergency backup system'."
I remember it must be around 25yrs ago when I was first working in the Elderly Care sector; though in a managerial position I would jump at any chance to volunteer my services if an outing was in the offing. Once we all trundled off (if you can trundle by coach) to Milton Keynes. Having arrived, the member staff walking with me and I started pushing our allotted wheelchairs. If you know anything about Milton Keynes you’ll know that it’s like a massive rabbit warren. Yes, it has sign posts... but so what? There are too many of them, going in every conceivable and inconceivable direction and everywhere looks the same. It took many laps of one relatively small area, each resulting - or maybe starting with the other chair being rammed into my ankles, before I was forced to ask directions to the nearest cafe (which to our - my, embarrassment was just behind me). Happily the rest of the day went well and I did miraculously manage to catch the coach back.
"So,'Why haven't I heard about this before now'? I hear you ask... Well actually I don't, but somebody out there must be saying it by now. After more hours of delving than I care to admit to, I’m now certain that at least the US and our (British) governments have been aware of this breakthrough since late 1970s, but secreted the fact fearing common knowledge, however diluted it would be, (or possibly is), could put scientists and other intelligentsia working for the state, including the odd politician should any fall into that group, into serious danger of being captured and harvested for data. What MIGHT be stored in their B.E.R.C.s would be worth a premium on the open market. Every country wants to know what the other country knows, before the other countries find out. Terrifying isn’t it? There again, not so different from individuals really; everybody wanting to know everything about everyone else, like them or hate them... that's what keeps the TV ratings & magazine sales up.
Okay. We're nearing the end now - Perhaps those of you who want a quick comfort break can take one - signs for conveniences over that way-ish I think... coffees over there. Use the time if you will, to think of any pressing questions. If there's time before you go, I will tell you my own 'story' pertinent to the lead-up to this very evening.."
I’m stalling. I've got to do it.. now. Just enough time to get out the photo-copies, notebooks, scribbled-on, torn-off bits of paper which always escape the bin, rarely get read or used. Just pick a subject. Pick A Bloody Subject! Okay. Breathe. It just needs to be the right one. No, A right one.. an idea, or word... anything I can go at from an angle, make a bit quirky... hell, when did a few passing thoughts and ideas turn into... thousands? How did I get so snowed under? Why am I always such a burk!
"Sooo... There you have it. I genuinly thought that I wasn't going to make it here tonight, or that if I did I would be relying on producing enough adrenoline to inspire me to think - or swim - very fast on my feet. Nowhere I looked, whether on computers or paper, at vast heaps of notes and jottings, references from random thoughts or half remembered dreams that keep me awake at night, I couldn't find one piece that felt right to use. Not even one word that I reread gave me promise me a direction, a start or a quirky end. But, what I did get was a journey that showed me how I needed to do things differently... how I needed something similar to a B.E.R.C. - a filing, indexing and referencing system to organise all my thoughts and ideas. I've seen the App that I need. It hasn't actually come out yet, which is good because it will need a few adjustments to make it work for me... but since it's still out on the workbench, so to speak, that shouldn't be a problem.
Wow this really is going to be a day my for personal growth... 2nd big step of the night: People, friends are always saying that I never ask for help. I've always said that it's because I never need any. Well, here goes...
3rd step: Now I'm asking... Does anybody here have Mark Zuckerburgs's telephone number?"
Thank you once again for looking in and hope you have a lovely week. If you are interested in reading previous weeks ramblings, please find links under the logo at top of page.