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No Telling


No Telling 

      Under normal circumstances I would never read my horoscope. I find it impossible to believe that roughly 1/12 of the world’s population could have their day/month/year accurately predicted in the exact same banal paragraph. Today, however, one launched itself at me straight through the usual irritant-blocker, onto my screen forcing me to take note:

‘You are very level-headed and restrained regarding your feelings today, enabling you to analyse emotions calmly. Use this calmness to work out a problem. Don’t allow yourself to keep becoming distracted.’

Ridiculous. I am always level-headed and restrained, I don’t have any problems... and I’m never, err, distracted.

   Although never interested in mass horoscope predictions, from my late teens onwards any kind of ‘Spiritual Divination’ that could be personally applied fascinated me, especially if elements associated with ESP were implicated... and in those more troubled days, I was happy to see anything as mysterious or otherworldly. Perhaps it was inevitable that the gaps left from the fading of my pre-teen beliefs’ (that if only I focused hard enough I could breathe under water and move objects with my mind), would make way for other strange ideas... although thinking back, perhaps the latter lingered a little longer. I had books on every ancient method of prediction and, if not always entirely convinced of their authenticity, I was certainly hungry for evidence in order that I could be.

     In the 80’s-90’s (that is the 1980’s-90s for anyone who's seen my picture and might understandably be unsure), I would when able visit tarot card readers, occasionally palmists and even mediums, though my cynicism inevitably overcame me on those occasions. Of course I had sets of my own cards that I would practice on, but that’s..  unimportant. It was research - nothing more. Obviously...

Anyway, in the early nineties I decided to stop all the nonsense after visiting a tarot reader that I’d seen once a annually  over several years, whilst at the coast with a group from work.  Instead of the usual platitudes that could be interpreted in any which way, the reader firstly apologised and then said that she could see only a long dark tunnel which had at its end, no light. Not quite what I wanted to hear. I now imagine that she either sensed my inner glumness (her ‘prediction’ seemed accurate then and for many years to come), or I’d just pissed her off. Either way it heralded time to grow myself out of that phase.


     So  I did. In 1998 the first six of twelve... chapters,doesn’t sound right, sections of a new writing project with the working title:




A Cynics Guide


were born. Okay, so it was a bit of a step back, but the attitude was a turnaround, you’ve got to give me that, haven’t you? Come on.. ‘A Cynics Guide’..! What more proof do you need, that I was over all the mumbo jumbo?

For Example:


Equally adventurous and secretive, you seek to understand the mysteries of the world without ever giving away more clues about your inner feelings than is necessary to maintain the interest of your current prey......

At Work: These Scorpio/Monkeys thrive on competition at work, whether it is between companies or colleagues and themselves. They are very bad losers and will fight at any level to win. Through sheer determination and conceit they usual will too. .....

Love: Giving nothing away of their feelings, partners of these Monkey/Scorpions may feel drawn closer than ever to their mate by the urge to understand what makes them tick. Fight it; trying to analyse these creatures is a useless process and will at best provide him/her with a new game and you with false leads, at worst, total emotional shut down. ......   


     I got the idea after coming across my old astrology books that I’d... forgotten to get rid of but HAD NOT looked at for years. The idea of amalgamating the characteristics seemed novel at the time and fun. Obviously fun; after all, the description above covers the date and year of my birth - what else could it be for but amusement? Well profit ideally, of course, and I did send the six (unsolicited)sections, representing more or less half the completed work to one publishing house... from which it was duly rejected. So that was that. Perhaps now, having dug it back up I should spend a little time & effort seeing if it is worth reviving? hmm,  I’ll have to see.  


     'Would you mind just hanging on a minute please?'[Where am I going with this... and why the hell am I talking about it anyway?] 

   'Sorry about that. Well, I hope that’s answered your questions.  What question? Didn’t you ask me my views on... O-kay, but you did doubt my objectivity... Not that either. But you can see that I find it all this fortune telling quite ludicrous can’t you - you must be able to!  Come on...

‘You are very level-headed and restrained regarding your feelings today, enabling you to analyse emotions calmly... and so on

      'LOOK! I’m level headed and restrained, I’ve analysed the situation and it’s a sham. I have no problems and I don’t get distracted... you can’t ask for more proof than that!!-You're only here because it's raining outside.. and you’ve let me go on thinking that you were...  don’t you dare associate me with that Scorpio-Monkey rubbish I read out to you.  I AM NOT that character. I'VE EVOLVED!!   


Thank you once again for looking in and hope you have a lovely week. If you are interested in reading previous weeks ramblings, please find links under the logo at top of page.


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